Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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