Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
