I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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