how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
