I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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