im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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