I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
