I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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