I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
