you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His nipple licking is glorious
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