can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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