Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
