we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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