Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
