there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
