So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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