Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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