I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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