you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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