WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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