she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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