Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
