Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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