So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
