so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
