i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
