i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy sore nipples Batman
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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