dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
