dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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