I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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