you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize