Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
