Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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