I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
