Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize