Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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