He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize