I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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