Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
