I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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