this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
