i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
