While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
