I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
