Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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