I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
