she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
