We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
