what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
