best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
