she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
