He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
