So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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