There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
