Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this boner is exhausting
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
