I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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