did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
