The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
