Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
