so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
