Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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