you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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