LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
