Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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