I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
