Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
