Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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