no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
